Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The one where they get Engaged

Christmas Eve Joe popped the question.

We worked a half day and I left the office to go get some last minute stuff for dinner. I got home cleaned up a little bit, Joe came and I began cooking dinner. We don't eat at home as often as we'd like so cooking Christmas Eve was a nice treat. While I was cooking Joe went to lay down on the couch. He fell asleep. I woke him up for dinner and we ate and watched some t.v. We were exchanging gifts that night since we weren't going to see each other Christmas morning. He wanted to give the big presents first which i thought was strange but went along with it (turns out he didn't know that most people go through their stocking's first).

We exchanged gifts near the soft lights of the tree. When he went to get the stocking's he had me stand up. He told me that my stocking had a theme. I pulled out an orange first. He told me that the orange represented all the things that annoyed me (i hate to peel oranges I think it's gross how the peel gets under my nails). The next thing I pulled out was a plastic spider ring. He said that it was to represent all the things that scared me. The third thing I pulled out was mickey mouse stuffed animal. He told me that it represented all the things that I loved (because I love Disneyland). The last box I pulled out was a ring box. He got down on his knee which is when I immediately started crying and told me that the ring was his promise to me that he would peel all of my oranges, kill all of my spiders and take me to as many places that I love as possible. He told me that he loved me and asked me to marry him. Through my blubbering I was able to get out a "yes".

I'm such a lucky girl. :)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

cold

I love being cold in the winter time. It's so nice to get snuggled up under a blanket and settle in a watch a good movie.

Today I'm grandpa sitting. There's a chill in the air outside and the laptop is keeping my lap nice and warm. Grandpa is snoring in his wheelchair next to me.

Later I'll be getting my dress for my work Christmas party. Hopefully I find something cute. Not too fancy just something nice. And hopefully the mall isn't too crowded. I hate shopping with the masses.

Good luck to me.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

missing

It was almost a year ago that my grandma died. It was one of the hardest times in my life. Watching the life and joy being sucked out of her was awful. I remember her being a plump smiling woman working in my grandpa's repair shop. She always had chicklet's gum in her purse. Along with packs of sugar just in case she ran out. She smelled of roses and had the softest skin on her hands. Being deaf i think she used her hands for more than just speaking. She loved to feel soft fabrics and clothes.
She loved to tease my grandpa by keeping the salt away from him and jealous streak a mile long. She must have really loved my grandpa and thought he was something because she thought every other woman wanted him too..even after they moved to an apt for old folks. There's something comforting about a grandma. Something so gentle and loving. It's been a year and the pain has dulled but i'll always miss her.

Friday, December 11, 2009

What i love about Christmas

I love the smell of Christmas. The cinnamon clove smell. I love the smell of freshly cut Christmas trees.

I remember as a kid my mom had these gingerbread ornaments that smelled like actual gingerbread. No matter how many times we put those ornaments on the tree they always smell the same. Like some sort Christmas magic keeps them smelling nice.

That's another reason I love this season. It seems like there is the potential for something magical around every turn. Life just seems a little bit better when it's Christmas.

'Tis the season to be jolly!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Thankful 2

Hmmm posting what i'm thankful for didn't really work out. Although i was quite thankful all month!

Thankful for family, friends, health, wealth (at least in love)! Thankful for nights in, good books, facebook - i know it's weird but i've reconnected with a lot of people I probably wouldn't have.

I'm thankful that my best friend is the guy i'm in love with. That we like the same things and even when we don't we can appreciate the reasons why we like it.

It's now December and coold here in the bay. I love it. Warm boots, the sound of the heater, and hot chocolate. Delicious!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Thankful

Up until Thanksgiving i'm going to try to post once a day something i'm thankful for.

Today, I'm thankful that the sun broke through the clouds today even if it was only for a little bit.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Waiting....

Why does it seem like i'm always waiting for joe?? Seriously, this bugs. Like an ant that crawls in your pants that you can't seem to get out.

While I wait i'm sitting here flipping through the channels and I end up landing on old movies. There are some strange old movies out there. Just stopped on Bram Stoker's Dracula. Keanu Reeves has the worst english language. It makes me want to cut off my ears. He's nice to look at but come on. We need a little more than that. Right?

I'm excited to go back to New York in November. It's going to be cold and delicious. I can't wait to wear my scarfs and wool coat, i'll buy some nuts on the street and see the hustle and bustle. i wonder if we'll see the Rock tree getting decorated.

New York in the fall..how romantic!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Are you kidding me?

Almost this whole month has been a joke of the universe.

While on my way to New York I lost my cell phone going through airport security. How does this happen? It was right there! While in NY I got sick. It didn't really hit me until I got home. Then it was like the plague. The last straw is that I got into a car accident on Sunday. Nobody got hurt thank goodness but my car is now in the shop and i'm sure my insurance rates are going to go up. Blah. On top of all this i'm flat broke. I really don't get it.

I keep trying to think of Job in the bible, how he kept his faith through all the crap that happened to him. How did he do it? Was he gummpy and snappy or did he cry all the time. Because those are the only two emotions I'm feeling this week. I know it seems like i'm just whining. Maybe i am. Maybe i just want life to be simple for a change. Why isn't my normal like everyone else's. Why can't my family see to dig themselves out of this hole. I hate feeling like this.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

More to love

So, i'm watching this reality show. This average size bachelor. It's pretty depressing. Not because the people are chubby but because these girls really seem to think that there are no other guys out there that will love them. It's really sad.

I like the premise of the show. But I think it's too much about about how these girls feel unloved, i don't know..maybe that's what the normal bachelor is like too. But these girls seem to have some emotional problems. I can't stop watching.

Going to NYC in 4 days. I'm excited but also nervous. It's such a big city but I think i'll be okay. I can't wait to see the sites!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

First Kiss

I remember our first kiss. We were on our first date walking through Ripley's believe it or not. We were holding hands. I don't remember what we looked at that day, just the butterfly's in my stomach. Our hands sweaty as we held on to each other. We walked into the hall of tv's you suddenly turned grabbed me and kissed. I felt my head begin to swim. My heart pounded out of my chest. You tasted like peppermint, your lips soft. i could feel people watching us but i didn't care. i wanted to kiss you forever.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

day dream believin

Sometimes my imagine gets the best of me. I imagine what my life would be like if I married Michael Tait. It's his smile that gets me.


I wonder what I would say the first time I talked to him. Would we know right off the bat that we were meant for each other? Would he find me terribly interesting and ask for my phone number? Would we call and email each other during the courting period..and would he stop and visit me on his way through the state.

Would our wedding be big and glamorous or small and intimate. After, would I go on tour with him. Would we hide in our house and just enjoy each other because we had the money to do that and we were so in love. When he would leave would my heart break into a million pieces because I would know that I couldn't see him for two weeks or a month.

As we grow old together we'd have a collection of inside jokes to get us through the hard times. We'd think back on his career and tell the stories to our grandkids.

See, getting the best of me again. I'm gonna go day dream about him singing me to sleep.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Suspended animation

For 8 years I’ve been doing the same thing over and over again. I go to work hang out with boyfriend, take care of my dad and now grandpa, lather, rinse, repeat.

I’m stuck.

If you asked me when I was 16 what my life would be like at 28 this certainly wouldn’t have been it. It would have involved lavish parties, serial dating and a cat. At 22 it would have involved being married and having children. I really felt like I had life planned out.

I feel like I’m at the starting line waiting for the gun to go off. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m in a rush. I just feel like something anything needs to happen. I realize that i'm only 28. But I feel like life passed me by somewhere along the line. Like I woke up at 28 years old but am still living the life of a 20 year old. I feel restless..i hate this feeling.

Maybe I just need to work out more. Maybe changing my body will help change my mind.I don't know..

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

finding my religion?

Lately i've been feeling like something is missing in my life. I don't know why or how to describe this feeling. I just feel like there is a void. 

I grew up in church until i was about 14 then for whatever reason my family stopped attending. I was happy with that. I felt a lot of pressure to be a "good girl" while we were going. I being the hot headed child I was pushed back against that pressure. 

Through out high school I attending christian concerts here and there and still kept in touch with my christian friends. I felt fine. After high school I started working and met a boy (the boy) and still I felt fine. 

It wasn't until recently, I went to a christian concert with my friend that I felt like I was missing something. While I was at the concert i felt such joy, such a connection. Now, my boyfriend will say that this connection was all in my head, he being someone that doesn't believe in God, but I felt it. I went to another concert a few weeks ago and at this concert I didn't feel as connected. I don't know what the difference was. 

Since the first concert I've wanted to find a church..a place where i can feel that joy again. The thing is that i'm scared. I'm scared to go alone, i'm scared to go where i won't fit in. I grew up with such strong beliefs and they have changed over the years. I'm scared i won't find a church that is neither too liberal or too conservative. I don't exactly live a christian lifestyle and wonder if that is scaring me too. Will I need to change the way I live in order to feel like i'm doing what God wants? If I do am I ready to do that? What if I'm not?

I miss being able to lay my cares down and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that God will take care of them. I feel like I've lost that over the years..is it possible to get that faith back?


Friday, March 27, 2009

the most romantic song....

This seriously had me teary when I heard it on the radio. Thank you Brad Paisley for singing such a romantic heart warming song. This is what I want for the rest of my life.

I remember, trying not to stare the night that I first met you. You had me mesmerized.
And three weeks later in the front porch light, taking forty five minutes to kiss goodnight.
I hadn't told you yet, but I thought I loved you then.

Now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world. And I just can't believe, the way I feel about you girl.
Like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been. We've come so far since that day.
And I thought I loved you then.

I remember, taking you back to right where I first met you. You were so surprised.
There people around but I didn't care. I got down on one knee right there.
And once again, I thought I loved you then.

Now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world. And I just can't believe, the way I feel about you girl.
Like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been. We've come so far since that day.
And I thought I loved you then.

I can just see you, with a baby on the way. I can just see you, when your hair is turning grey.
What I can't see is how I'm ever going to love you more. But I've said that before.

Now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world. And I just can't believe the way I feel about you girl.
We'll look back someday, at this moment that we're in and I'll look at you and say, "And I thought I loved you then."
And I thought I loved you then.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Beautiful..

 I read this on another blog I read: http://or-so-i-feel.blogspot.com/2008/08/sometimes-i-love-poetry.html
It was just amazingly beautiful so I had to post it, mostly so i can read it again.

The Archipelago Of Kisses
 
 We live in a modern society. Husbands and wives don't
grow on trees, like in the old days. So where
does one find love? When you're sixteen it's easy, 
like being unleashed with a credit card
in a department store of kisses. There's the first kiss.
The sloppy kiss. The peck.
The sympathy kiss. The backseat smooch. The we
shouldn't be doing this kiss. The but your lips
taste so good kiss. The bury me in an avalanche of tingles kiss.
The I wish you'd quit smoking kiss.
The I accept your apology, but you make me really mad
sometimes kiss. The I know
your tongue like the back of my hand kiss. As you get
older, kisses become scarce. You'll be driving
home and see a damaged kiss on the side of the road, 
with its purple thumb out. If you
were younger, you'd pull over, slide open the mouth's
red door just to see how it fits. Oh where
does one find love? If you rub two glances, you get a smile.
Rub two smiles, you get a warm feeling.
Rub two warm feelings and presto-you have a kiss. 
Now what? Don't invite the kiss over
and answer the door in your underwear. It'll get suspicious
and stare at your toes. Don't water the kiss with whiskey. 
It'll turn bright pink and explode into a thousand luscious splinters, 
but in the morning it'll be ashamed and sneak out of
your body without saying good-bye, 
and you'll remember that kiss forever by all the little cuts it left
on the inside of your mouth. You must
nurture the kiss. Turn out the lights. Notice how it
illuminates the room. Hold it to your chest
and wonder if the sand inside hourglasses comes from a
special beach. Place it on the tongue's pillow, 
then look up the first recorded kiss in an encyclopedia: beneath
a Babylonian olive tree in 1200 B.C.
But one kiss levitates above all the others. The
intersection of function and desire. The I do kiss.
The I'll love you through a brick wall kiss. 
Even when I'm dead, I'll swim through the Earth, 
like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones. 

Jeffrey McDaniel
 

Friday, March 20, 2009

Ring thing

So i'm not sure why being engaged has been on my mind a lot lately. Well maybe that's not true. Almost all of my girlfriends are married. I watch a lot of love movies that end in happy endings. 
More than anything I really want to go to the next step with Joe. I really want to finally start our life together. I'm 28 we've dated for 8 years. I suddenly feel this sense of urgency to just jump in. 

I know he wants to get married too. At least that's what he's told me. But i don't think he feels the same pangs when someone else gets engaged. I don't think he looks at his finger longingly wondering what a ring will look like on it. 

Am i just really pathetic? Is this something other people think about too? I think I need a support group...lol...not so funny.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Flickr

Is it really worth it to use? It's really picky. Should i upgrade it? Is that worth it..how much does it cost? Why is it so slow? Dang.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Random thoughts

I like it when people when wink at me. I don't know why..maybe it's because i can't do it without scrunching my face.

Why is coffee cake called coffee cake if there is no coffee in it? And why is it so dang tasty?

Are some people's feet just better suited to high heels than others? My feet cry when i wear them.

When is that pill that makes me beautiful, thin and young coming out?

Is it sad that I have my wedding planned out in my head and i'm not even engaged yet?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Hawaii


Joe and I went to Hawaii to see my friend Nancy tie the knot. I loved Hawaii. Let me repeat that..I loved Hawaii. To be honest before i went i really didn't think i'd enjoy Hawaii so much. I thought that it was going to be really over rated. But Joe and i ended up having a great time. the weather was great and the island Oahu was really beautiful. We had a blast hanging with everyone and Nancy's wedding was beautiful. We can't wait for our next trip there.