Wednesday, December 11, 2013

because, um yeah.

There are no words for this:

I wonder how many were actually sold. 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The comings and goings

Since I've returned to work the past month has flown by. I can't believe it's Thanksgiving next week. Here's a few things that have been going on in the Suzuki house.

We've moved in to the new apartment. Unpacking sucks. The kitchen is almost fully unpacked. A month of no home cooked meals is awful. Even microwave chicken pot pies felt like a treat.
Slowly but surely we'll get there.

We celebrated Halloween, no trick-or-treaters but we still bought Candy. Dressed up the baby
He was only mildly amused that we were so amused.

We went to visit some great aunts of mine after Halloween. That was a lot of fun. I think Breckin had a good time. We got to take a look at some of my great uncle's drawings. He did them all free hand. Like this cute one here:

Other than that it's been business as usual around here. Breckin's 4 month appt. showed he was a little on the small side but nothing to be concerned about. He's just a very active baby. He got some shots and that was sad but also very cute because when he cries it's just adorable.

We're starting to gear up for the holidays. I'm super excited for this year. Even though Breckin won't know what's going on. :) Hopefully he'll enjoy it. Because how do you not want to see this kid smile.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013


As the days of my maternity leave dwindled I am faced with the reality that I will not be with Breckin 24-7. I will not be the one to comfort him when he's scared during the day. If he's sick I won't be the first one there. As he discovers new things I'll be at work.

I know this is going to sound completely irrational. But I worry that he won't know me. That he'll start to become uncomfortable with me. That on the weekends he'll wonder where Grandma is. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful that are families are willing to step up and help. I think I would lose my mind if I had to leave him with someone who didn't love him. But there is a real worry in me about him not wanting me anymore. 

I don't know what to do about it.

Update: I started writing this while holding Breckin as he nursed late in the night. I had to stop because I was crying.

I am now back at 2. Day 1 sucked. A lot. I cried when I left him and at work a few times. I felt guilty and sad. Even though I know he's in great hands. They aren't my hands.

Being a mom is tough. I can't imagine what it will feel like when he actually realizes that I'm leaving him. At this stage in his life he's not worried about it. Though he does seem happy I've returned, I think.

From what I hear dealing with these feelings is a day by day process and I'll never feel 100% great about it.

To be honest, right now I'd settle for 35%.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

A little jealous?

Mandu did not want us to leave with him. I guess he knew I wouldn't leave the baby. Luckily, Breckin took it in stride. 

Sunday, September 22, 2013


Sasquatch was spotted in my bathroom. I was able to wrestle him into submission and shave him. Turns out it was just my reflection in the mirror. 

Thoughts that ran through my head during the ordeal: 

Who knew thigh hair could grow so long?


Breathe vagina Breathe. 

Sorry to my husband for the months of hairy...everything. I promise I will put my hippy clothes away and bring back the girl you used to know. 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Things people don't tell you about having a baby

So I had my little man 8 weeks ago. I've learned in this short time that the magical experience of baby that you read about on mommy blogs is a lie. Yes, I said it. Mommy bloggers lie. Maybe it's not intentional. Maybe it's that they don't want show the ugly side of things. But in any case it's a fallacy. So here's a few things I've learned in my 8 weeks. 

1. Your birth process most likely will not go as you planned. It will also not be like any movie you've ever seen. I haven't written Breckin's birth story yet but there was no water breaking in the back of a cab. No one yelled at me to push and no hee hee who breaths going on. 

2. Your nurses at the hospital might be mean or stupid or really great. It's a crap shoot. You can request a new nurse. I didn't know that while I was in the hospital. But you can! And you better believe next time I get the young stupid girl that keeps tripping over cords in the middle of the night I will be asking for someone new. 

3. Once you have the baby a million different people nurses, lactation consultants, family and friends will give you advice. And it will all be different. Do what works for you. If people judge you then so be it. 

4. When you get the baby home most likely you and your husband will be overwhelmed with visitors. Try to keep a schedule and space people out. The first few weeks are super busy and then visits die down. You will be lonely. So space it out!

5. You will be exhausted and unshowered. You will smell like breastmilk (seriously as i write this its dripping down my stomach) sweat and sometimes baby poop. Just go with it. If you can get in a shower do it. But don't feel bad if you can't. 

6. There will be times with your newborn that they are crying and you cant figure out why. You will feel overwhelmed. It's okay to cry with them. I think they secretly like it. 

7. Breastfeeding is not always easy for some it is. You will learn words like latch, thrush, cradle hold. There will be times it hurts and your nipples feel like they are going to fall off. If you can power through its worth it. But if you can't, it's okay. It's okay to feed your baby a bottle of breastmilk or formula. That doesn't make you a bad mom. Just like exclusively breastfeeding doesn't make you a good mom. Just do what works for you. The important thing is that your baby gets fed and you keep your sanity and nipples. 

8. You will suddenly be part of the baby club. Other mom's will talk to you randomly. Mom's on your block that used to be bitchy will suddenly be super sweet and friendly. So bizarre but also kind of cool. 

Here's where we get smushy folks:

8. Watching your baby with their grandparents is awesome. Seeing your parents love your child and make a fuss over them is a joy. Makes you wonder what they were like with you. 

9. Seeing your spouse with your baby will make you fall more in love with them. There's nothing like watching your strong man coo and snuggle your little one. 

10.  Your baby will come out and you will feel love like you've never known. It will make you understand your parents a little more which is weird but also cool. 

So those are some nuggets of wisdom. I'm sure there will be more along the way. In the meantime here's a picture of Breckin in the bath because Joe and I make cute babies. 

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Word of the day

Pluot - Ploo-aught not plought

Even though Plought is more fun to say.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Why I’m excited to have your baby – a post for my husband

Happy Father's day to a soon to be daddy.

You are going to be such a good Dad.

I can’t wait to see you with our baby. I can’t wait to see you hold him or her. To watch you kiss their little face and watch you fall asleep with them nuzzled against your neck.

I want to hear you make them laugh and teach them things. You'll show them how to do things like tie knots and how to eat salami.

You'll scare monsters away from their closet and under their bed. You'll hug them when they sad and high five them when things are good.
I can't wait until the nights we go sleep talking about the neat things they did or said that day.

I want to make new traditions with you at holidays, ones that our kids will share with their kids.   Like you reading A Christmas Carol every year. And you playing Christmas songs on the guitar while we decorate the tree.

I know you will love our baby and me to the ends of earth and back again.

Just don’t throw the baby like Marshall. 

Tuesday, June 4, 2013


How I plan to lose the baby weight:

It's happening ladies. Who is with me?

Friday, April 26, 2013

Things people don't tell you about pregnancy

Warning!! This maybe tmi for the boy readers out there and the ladies that don't like to be grossed out.

1. You will leak fluid out of almost every hole in your body. Maybe the exception would be the ears. But i'm sure there's a pregnant woman out there that has watery ear wax. But seriously, extra saliva, the runs although some days you'll be constipated, your boobs..yep that's right. They don't wait for the baby to pop out, your eyes because you cry all the time, and your nose, yes your nose. I don't make this stuff up.

2. There are days you will sneeze and pee yourself. It's not a lot and not every time. But don't hold it in for too long.

3.You will get cranky and irritable. You may not even know why, just that you feel off. But lord help those that upset you. The devil himself may just jump out of our mouth.

4. You will get random aches and pains. Like those of an 80 year old woman. There will be days you wake up and it hurts to move from your legs to your belly. Achy.

5. Heartburn. Things that you used to be your friends, pizza, bubbly water..will all give you heartburn. Your new friend…Tums. Calcium Rich Tums. At least your baby will have strong bones!

6. Gas, have a baby pushing all your insides around. There will be gas and yes from both ends. Once again Tums are your friends.

7. Your belly will start to itch. It’s stretching. It’s itchy. Not so pleasant.

8. You will wonder what your vag looks like. That’s right. You stop seeing it. That and your feet. You will become the 1970’s version of you. Embrace it. At least until you have to show it to the doctor again.

9. Your feet will swell..i’m not a sweller you will think. I’m young, only old women swell. Not true, nope. You will swell. Your feet and your hands..sad pudgy hands.

10. Some days you will not poop. Some days you will poop a lot. Babies change your poop. They are all up in your guts moving things around (see number 6). Word to the wise don’t push too hard, hemorrhoids are no fun.

After these disgusting lessons from your local pregnant woman, here’s a little eye candy for you.  Happy Friday!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

what the heck is coinsurance anyway?!?

It’s expensive to have a baby. Ours isn’t even out of the oven yet and it’s expensive. Part of the problem is that our health insurance is confusing. I don’t know what will be covered when. Maybe I should be more proactive. Call up the insurance company and be all up in their grills. But that’s not me. Instead I sit back, confused, scratching my head, wondering how people afford this. I mean I’m not talking $20000 or anything. I’m talking maybe $2, but still it’s a lot. 

The health care industry is a little overwhelming. Ok, a lot overwhelming. I just don’t get it.
I guess I should be thankful we have health insurance and jobs and are able to afford this stuff. But sheesh, dumb it down folks. Pregnants can’t handle this! 

Monday, February 18, 2013


To my manatee,

I don’t know you yet. I know that you are swimming around inside of me. Eating what I eat, drinking what I drink and hearing my voice. I don’t know if you are a boy or girl. If you are going to be funny like your Dad. Or idealistic like your grandma. Maybe you’ll be dreamer like your uncle. What I do know is that I love you. From the moment I found out you were in there I can barely think of anything else. I hold my breath each month as the doctor finds your heartbeat. I can’t wait to see your next picture, gray and grainy and you looking like something out of a horror movie. Sometimes I think I feel move around inside of me. Am I really? I don’t know. I have been really gassy lately. But I’d like to think it’s you. I can’t wait to see you the first time and find out who you are, to kiss your little baby cheeks and pinch your little baby toes. I can’t wait to see how your Dad is with you. I’m sure it will be a battle to see who gets to hold you and bathe you. But we’ll fight it out in a nice way.

20 weeks to go. I can hardly wait.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

English Breakfast

Well look who’s becoming a tea drinker

Watch out Angela Lansbury I’m coming for your drink. It didn’t start because of the baby or anything like that. Let’s be honest I’ll take a decaf coffee over tea any day of the week. It started when Joe and I were sick. A cuppa tea just sounded delicious.

So apple spice was had by me. Joe had chamomile. The next night, same thing. And the following. And now. I enjoy me some tea. I drink it in the afternoon at my desk when the AC at the office feels a little cool. I drink it at night while watching Ghost Hunters.

And to be honest, I like it. My coffee loving body shivers at the realization. But I do. I’m looking for more delicious flavors. What does everyone like? It needs to be decaf but other than that I’m open.

And if you want to tell me to shut up and have a latte feel free. This could be a phase, when I’m sick I do watch a lot of murder she wrote.