Friday, April 26, 2013

Things people don't tell you about pregnancy

Warning!! This maybe tmi for the boy readers out there and the ladies that don't like to be grossed out.

1. You will leak fluid out of almost every hole in your body. Maybe the exception would be the ears. But i'm sure there's a pregnant woman out there that has watery ear wax. But seriously, extra saliva, the runs although some days you'll be constipated, your boobs..yep that's right. They don't wait for the baby to pop out, your eyes because you cry all the time, and your nose, yes your nose. I don't make this stuff up.

2. There are days you will sneeze and pee yourself. It's not a lot and not every time. But don't hold it in for too long.

3.You will get cranky and irritable. You may not even know why, just that you feel off. But lord help those that upset you. The devil himself may just jump out of our mouth.

4. You will get random aches and pains. Like those of an 80 year old woman. There will be days you wake up and it hurts to move from your legs to your belly. Achy.

5. Heartburn. Things that you used to be your friends, pizza, bubbly water..will all give you heartburn. Your new friend…Tums. Calcium Rich Tums. At least your baby will have strong bones!

6. Gas, have a baby pushing all your insides around. There will be gas and yes from both ends. Once again Tums are your friends.

7. Your belly will start to itch. It’s stretching. It’s itchy. Not so pleasant.

8. You will wonder what your vag looks like. That’s right. You stop seeing it. That and your feet. You will become the 1970’s version of you. Embrace it. At least until you have to show it to the doctor again.

9. Your feet will swell..i’m not a sweller you will think. I’m young, only old women swell. Not true, nope. You will swell. Your feet and your hands..sad pudgy hands.

10. Some days you will not poop. Some days you will poop a lot. Babies change your poop. They are all up in your guts moving things around (see number 6). Word to the wise don’t push too hard, hemorrhoids are no fun.

After these disgusting lessons from your local pregnant woman, here’s a little eye candy for you.  Happy Friday!

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